I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
