I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
