Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
