I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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