Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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