so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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