I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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