He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
