I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
