she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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