My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
