i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
