I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
