Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
