Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize