people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
