Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
