from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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