Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is Oprah even human
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize