I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
