I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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