i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
