We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
