i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
