I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
