If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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