I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
