The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
