As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
