How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
