Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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