Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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