are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
