the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
