She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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