I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
