Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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