i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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