There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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