thus making me awesome and them whores
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
