census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
