I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
