So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
