am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
