Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
