my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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