Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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