I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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