You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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