you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
