sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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