Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
