its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
