Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
