I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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