I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
