i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
