thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
