Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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