I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
