FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
