so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i have two assholes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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