Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
