who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
is it fun? or sober?
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