i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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