Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
