we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
