Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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