How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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