I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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