I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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