I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
