I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
