when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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