Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
