I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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