I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
