Where did you get a picture of my penis
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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