Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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