You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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