Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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