i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
