The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
