Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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