1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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