I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
