woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I touched a dick in church today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
