would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
