he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
