Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
