Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
