My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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