I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
