Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
