Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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