I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
