When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
