That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
