i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
