Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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