How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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