you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
