Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
