yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im part way to drunk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
