there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
