Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
